So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
