I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
