Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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