dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
