I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
