I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
