My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
