Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
