Ambien. No doubt about it.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
