just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
