well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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