Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
pop tarts are not kleenex
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
