she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i came on her dog
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize