I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
