Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize