Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I love having hate sex.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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