i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
