dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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