Heybabeimwearingurpanties
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
