Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
