Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
