: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
