think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
