I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
