It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
cat food counts as protein by the way
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
