Just fell off a train. Bad.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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