Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Randomize
