Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
