So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Every concussion has its silver lining
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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