Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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