Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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