I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize