where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Randomize
