so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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