I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize