id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
