i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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