who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
