I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Randomize
