you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
