He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
