he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
