oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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