god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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