so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
