Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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