3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
