I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
