They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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