Your tits are I can't wait for
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize