I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
