I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
