He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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