the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
