Got a toothbrush?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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