Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
