I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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