Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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