I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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