You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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