so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
