We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
