So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
