Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
