he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize