I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
