Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
