i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
