Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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