i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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