We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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