I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
