so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Actions speak louder than pants.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
