All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
