Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
