i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
