Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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