Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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