The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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