You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize