come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
