She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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