I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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