I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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