she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
