so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
