Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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