So drunk, too bad you don't want this
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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