Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
