To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
