i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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