his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
