Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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