I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
