Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
