I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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