worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
birth control should be required to get into college
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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