I want to make a zoo with you.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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