On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize