you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
