I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
