Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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