this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
not ubering you a puppy
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
