I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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