Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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