how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
