Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
