I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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